I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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