I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
