and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize