I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
