Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so explain again why im purple
no
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize