Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
send nudes
from the living room?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
