i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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