She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
