i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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