i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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