on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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