You're my little dorito
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
