I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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