the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
