I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
