I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
