The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
