she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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