The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
