Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
