batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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