he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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