worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
