i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
