A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
