you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
