Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
