when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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