Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
