Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize