Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
