Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My vagina just recognized that song.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
