i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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