Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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