Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
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She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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