It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
