No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
