It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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