I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
