Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize