Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
