As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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