Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
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it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
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my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk