I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that