Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
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Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
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Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.