cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.