Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
