My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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