that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
