i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
