just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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