His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
