hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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