I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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