woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
