Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
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We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: I just woke up from my shower
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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