bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize