this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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