Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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