never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize