Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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