well I can't set my house on fire every night
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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