She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
